Pause... Freeze... Burnout... Regret... The missing link.
It has been four and a half years since I placed keyboard strokes on this blogger page. Firstly, I have been engrossed in a four-and-a-half-year research study, which was a necessity for my current position to remain employed. Not to say that I never enjoyed undertaking the research, I really do love research, and I promise there is no sarcastic undertone to that.
Once you have been immersed in an in-depth study for this length of time, being observant and cognisant of every word, every sentence, and every reference is how you become accustomed to writing. So, the ability to write creatively and freely, even on Facebook for goodness' sake, has caused my creative thoughts to freeze.
I began to type, re-read what I had written, and I stopped mid-sentence and deleted the paragraph. I try a different contextual approach, again, I delete the paragraph. I returned to the podcast or article, looked at the link I copied, reconsidered the knowledge I had gleaned and considered why I wanted to share it. I really wanted to share it widely, to add a poignant comment on how this can shift and revolutionise one's approach to relational dynamics. Again, I freeze and close the box that indicates... share your thoughts. No thoughts, no link, no knowledge was shared; and no regrets either.
Call it what you will: imposter syndrome, fear of responses, institutional rebuttal on posts (though it was a very neutral and personal post). Possibly, I am recovering from academic-immersed burnout, which is why I had no regrets about not posting or sharing.
For the last four and a half years, my creative voice of poetic literacy had to be paused. Creativity and Academia: Two significantly different pillars of expression, where creative, poetic and visual expressions do not align or intersect with academic linguistics. For me, there is a necessity to express both, not simultaneously but in balance, where both need air. My creativity has been sidelined and submerged for far too long. So here is to fresh air.
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